By focusing on what I can control and becoming curious about others
As the second of four children I didn?t have much space or ?me-time? when I was growing up. For most of my childhood I shared a bedroom with one of my three siblings and the arguments and disagreements were endless. We would fight (sometimes physically) over space, we would divide the room using masking tape and argue about whether the curtains should be opened or closed. Standing outside my room you would hear??that?s mine, give it back?, ?you?re taking up all the space?, ?I don?t like your music?, ?turn it off?, ?I hate you?, etc, etc.
The constant bickering I learned with my siblings was carried into the schoolyard. I would argue with other kids about almost anything. Some of it was them not understanding me and I think some of it was a fear of not being liked and being on the defense for most of the time (I would dislike them before they had a chance to dislike me ? thus maintaining control).
I also struggled with differing opinions and was very dismissive of others, particularly if they didn?t agree with me. I just couldn?t understand why they didn?t see things like I did, it just didn?t make sense. Why was it so hard!
I felt like those who disagreed with me were just doing it to annoy me or hold me back (I was very task focused) and I decided I really didn?t like people that much! I was constantly frustrated and angry?at everyone but myself ? I was in the classic ?poor me? vault.
It wasn?t until I stopped trying control everything and everyone and I swapped my judgement with curiosity that I really came to like people.
By letting go of what I couldn?t control and replacing it with things I could was extremely empowering and liberating. I started to read the work of experts and learn as much as I could about how they viewed the world. And the more I learnt the more I wanted to know ? it was, and still is, quite addictive. There is just so much more to learn, so many more perspectives to consider!
If you?re like I was, and struggling with a love/hate relationship with people, then take a read of one of my favourite books and see what perspective it opens up:
? Multipliers – Liz Wiseman
? Drive ? Daniel Pink
? Eat That Frog ? Brian Tracy
? Amplifiers ? Matt Church
? Purple Cow ? Seth Godin
? Conversational Intelligence ? Judith Glaser
? Braving the Wilderness ? Brene Brown
? Go for No ? Richard Fenton & Andrea Waltz
? The Five Dysfunctions of a Team ? Patrick Lencioni
? Start with Why ? Simon Sinek
And remember, let go of trying to control everything others are doing and focus on what you can control. You?ll see everything will fall into place and you?ll come to like people!
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Shelley Flett is a passionate leader with a keen focus on creating efficient and sustainable team environments through adaptable leadership. She is a Leadership Coach, Trainer, Facilitator, Mentor and Speaker who ignites vision and purpose in those she works with.
If you?d like to know more about her latest program ?Next Level Leadership? please drop her an email firstname.lastname@example.org.